Reflections on the last year

To my dear sweet Ellie,

I've been putting off writing this. I've started writing but then stopped because I realized I needed to collect my thoughts more and the truth is, writing it makes it more real. And it's not that I'm not willing to accept reality, it's just...well, maybe I am. You are ONE. You are a year old (and a few weeks by now). A year of your life has already passed by and sadly another year of mine as well. Daddy and I have been able to keep you alive for a year! Hooray for us being new parents! Sadly, Daddy was away training during your first birthday but thankfully you are too young to remember and trust me when I say, he will make up for it! I know it was way harder on him than you'll ever know. And we will celebrate again when he comes home!

But seriously, Elizabeth, we are so blessed to have you as our first child. It's been such a joy getting to see you blossom into a toddler. You have turned into the sweetest child who definitely has developed a little personality of her own. You are a very happy go lucky girl with such a good nature. I hope it stays that way! You are so friendly and will literally go to anyone and let them hold you. You love routine, like Mommy (well, and Daddy) and you have a very curious, adventurous side like your Daddy (well, and Mommy). You love to read books and learn new songs and games-and boy do you learn quick! You like to test your boundaries....and you're not really afraid of anything!

You came at a time of tribulation for us, right at the time Daddy was due to deploy. But it ended up being the perfect time. You kept me going during those months and as long as I kept you alive, you kept me alive (some days that still holds true!) And though it seemed tough and complicated, it was also easy and simple in some ways. I had one main focus: to take care of you! Needless to say, we got through it-YOU got me through it. Looking back, it's been by far the hardest year of my life. What with being a new parent and then a single one all in the span of a couple months. I know a 4.5 month deployment is nothing compared to some families--we got lucky--but still, it was enough! And as funny as it sounds, I wouldn't trade those months for anything now. It was just you and me kiddo.

Even though you are only one, I want you to know how much you've already taught me:
1. I am stronger than I think I am. If someone would've told me two years ago that I'd be able to survive a deployment with an infant, I'd say no way. Also the whole giving birth thing was pretty tough too.
2. I guess I do have motherly instincts. Everyone doubts themselves, "Am I gonna be any good at this?" Well I guess it's true, a lot of it does come natural.
3. I really hate being sleep deprived. Really. I don't function well and it was by far the hardest thing about having an infant. I love my sleep. I need to get better at this. I'm sure your other siblings will help.
4. I do have a silly side. We all take ourselves way too serious sometimes and you are always able to touch my funny bone and bring the goofiness out of me. It also helps that you don't judge me (yet) and always think I do the coolest things.

And lastly,
5. Sometimes we need to just DANCE. You love to dance. You find rhythm in anything and everything. Whether it's just me brushing my teeth or shaking a bottle, or even just singing lyrics to a song even without a tune--somehow you know that it's music and deem it worthy of dancing. I've learned a few simple dance moves from you already and now when a song comes on I'm a little less self conscious and find myself just swaying back and forth without even thinking about it. I know I don't look as cute as you but you never care what you look like so why should I? Just dance!

I look forward to all the other wisdom I'll be acquiring from you as you (dare I say it) get older. Mommy and Daddy love you very very much. You have made our lives worth living for and we thank God every day for you. Happy Birthday.

Ellie is...Sooooo BIG!!!! 10 months!

 Everyone knows the kids saying, though some of you may not want to admit it, where you say, in my case, "Ellie is......." and then it is followed by "Soooo Big!!" in an obnoxiously high voice and you teach your child to raise both of their hands up during the last part to emphasize how big they are. Well not to brag, but I literally said this whole bit twice to Ellie, acting it all out, and the third time she raised her hands as soon as I said "Ellie is..." I'm not sure if I should be proud or terrified of her quick learning abilities. Now she does it on command every time and it is her favorite game that we play. Oh boy, what are we in for? It's these moments that really make me realize that she is growing into a beautiful and bright little girl---all too quickly!

Here are some other things that Ellie has learned to love at 10 months:
- She loves to be upside down
- She loves to be tossed around by daddy
- She loves to play with Oliver (she takes his toys right out of his mouth...and he lets her!)
- She still loves bath time!
- She loves finger foods
- She loves juice (or what she thinks is juice-mostly water)
- She loves pop up books
- She loves to say Mama, Dada, and other gibberish (she's a big talker)
- She loves to stand and walk around while holding on to things-still not doing the real thing yet
- She loves clapping and waving
- And most of all, she loves to dance! She will literally dance to any beat she can hear, even if you are singing the abc's or just simply tapping your knee with your hand!

first video: dancing to daddy's beat 

second video: dancing to michael buble

Home Again

Let me start off by informing you that this is not your usual correspondent crafting this post. It is the man of the house. I told Christina that I wanted to write on the blog when I made it home and well, in typical man of the house fashion I'm finally getting around to it. So my apologies for the long stretch between the last post and now, and I must say a decent amount has gone on since I stepped back onto American soil.

If memory serves me correctly I got back to my wife and child on the 6th of October, or maybe it was the 3rd? Either way early October. It was pretty startling to see how much Ellie had changed since I left. Sure I saw her at least once a week via Facetime but those shaky, frozen images didn't really do her justice. But of course as I got off the bus and made my way through the crowd to my family I excitedly threw my arms around Christina and inadvertently smacked Ellie in the face. Thus her first contact with her father in 5 months left her in tears. After that mishap my mother laughed at me when she saw me holding our then 7 month old as one would hold a newborn, all wrapped up and close. I clearly had some adjusting to make. Which I did soon enough and now I toss her around and have her laughing far more often than crying. Seeing Oliver again for the first time was quite memorable as well, he went pretty nutty with excitement.

It did take some real adjustment the first few weeks back. Sleep didn't come easy and after working 7 days a week at an average of 11 to 12 hours a day for 5 months straight, I was left pretty fidgety. Christina said she's never seen me unpack so quickly. But going north to New Jersey soon after getting back helped immensely. Just being able to put on a pair of jeans and go run errands around town does wonders to help one feel like a normal human being again.

Those few weeks spent at home also held a few memorable events, which I believe most of you reading this were a part of. The two big ones of course being a wedding and a baptism. Both were fantastic times, and provided me great opportunities to just see everybody again. Oh and escaping to Bermuda for a few days wasn't to shabby either. When Christina and I were discussing where we wanted to go once I made it home I told her I am never going to want to see another grain of sand again, but I relented and I'm glad I did. And as you can imagine my mother and father were just miserable having to watch Ellie while we were gone. Honestly I think they were sad to see us get back, they'd have to share her again.

Since we got back to North Carolina things have gotten back to normal. I work by day as Christina keeps Ellie alive and the house running relatively smoothly. I come home, we eat dinner, watch some TV, Ellie goes through her bedtime routine and then we go through ours. Routine is good.

The holidays came and went. It was our first time not traveling north to our original homes. I feel lucky that this was the first time, it easily could have been the third. My mother was upset that we weren't around but I reminded her that I may not be in New Jersey but I'm still home. I know enough men who were stuck over in that hellhole for the holidays. So I counted my blessings.

That brings us to about now. Christina is trying to fix our Blu-ray player remote, to little avail, as an endless stream of insanity inducing children's songs emanate out of Ellie's play area and I sit on the couch, wrapped in the robe I haven't taken off since I opened the box on Christmas eve, typing this post. Life is good and I still feel grateful to be home. I plan on never letting that gratitude be forgotten. But before I close this out I have to make mention of how amazing my wife is (and yes i wrote that sentence on my own accord). She kept hopeful and strong while successfully navigating the rigors of raising a new born while her husband was in a war zone. She is the glue that holds this family together. When people come up to me and praise me for what I've done I shirk it off and think I have done nothing in comparison to what Christina has.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

6 month updates

 The youngest with the oldest of our family :) 14.11lbs, 25 3/4 long

Another month has passed! I know it's very cliche to say but the time is really going by fast. However, I wouldn't be honest if I didn't tell you that at some points I wish that time would go faster and I'll say "Man I can't wait til this phase is over!" And boy am I guilty of saying that this past month.

Ever since Elizabeth started her 6th month (5 months old), it seemed she forgot how to sleep through the night! She was doing so good and then she took 5 steps backwards. It seems worse when you thought you had the whole sleeping thing down to then have your full nights sleep pulled out from underneath you, rather than if all this time she hadn't been sleeping good--I think I would've just gotten used to it by now. Not sure if it was teething, needing more in her tummy, just wanting attention, not knowing how to go back to sleep on her own, or a combination of everything. I remedied all of these options on their own and still NOTHING worked, she still woke up 3,4,5,6 times a night! Not to nurse, just fussy like she would need her binky back in her mouth or even sometimes she just woke up talking! I even tried the whole letting her cry bit but after a couple 20 minute sessions you get to a point that if you know what will make her stop, the sooner the better!

Ellie the non-sleeper!

Well I have good news, ever since she started her 7th month (turned 6 months 4 days ago), her sleeping patterns have gotten much better! It's like a switch was flipped. I better be careful in saying this but I think we are back to normal. Woo hoo! But if it isn't this, it's something else right?

What else is new? Well we have started purees. I have been dabbling in the baby bullet system and pureeing some foods on my own. It's actually a lot of fun! So far we have tried carrots and sweet potatoes. She enjoys sweet potatoes, carrots not so much. We have a lot more veggies on our list to try and then we will start fruits.

 

Other tricks she can do? She has started to army crawl (or should I say marine corps crawl)

 She has started to sit up, but only with support. (I have to buckle her in to everything!)

she is rolling all over the place

and talking up a storm!

She is becoming very mobile!

Other updates? Well we only have 2 weeks left in MD!!!!! Then we move back to NC and wait for daddy to come home. Still unsure as to the exact date (more for security purposes) but they are still going with the "they'll be home BY October 6" time frame. His unit was given their leave dates for when they are allowed to spend some time with their family for a couple of weeks. It will be the end of October so we will be spending a night or 2 in MD and the rest in NJ. We've planned her Baptism during that time as well as a romantic 4 night getaway for just the "two of us." So I've spent most of the last month attached to a breast pump gearing up for that! Also, we just traded my car in for a new crossover SUV type of vehicle. It was definitely time for something a bit bigger. But how easy is it to buy a new car in your husband's name while he's in Afghanistan and have him totally finance it but be able to you yourself drive it off the lot? Not the easiest thing to do but after tons of logistics and power of attorney papers I made it happen. So needless to say, we've been staying pretty busy. These last two weeks we'll be wrapping everything up, making our last visits with family and friends in MD, and packing up our life once again! This time for a much happier reason :) Can't wait to be home!

Fantastic Five!

Can you believe it? Ellie is already 5 months old! 

Let's see, at 5 months Ellie...
-smiles and laughs a lot (just chuckles, no belly laughing yet)
-grabs for EVERYTHING and puts EVERYTHING in her mouth
-is eating cereal twice a day (she moved from once a day to twice a day today!)
-goes to bed between 9:30 and 10 and sleeps til 5, 6, 7, 8, or sometimes 9am!
-is still nursing 5-6 times a day (without supplementing)
-LOVES to talk and squeal
-is teething but still no sign of any teeth
-has moved from the sink bath tub to the "tub" tub and loves it!
-takes 3-4 naps a day
-rolls over from front to back and from back to front, constantly!
-is always putting her feet in her mouth
-LOVES pool time
-is friendly towards everyone and will let anyone hold her
-still wears size 3 month clothes
-and still has a head full of red hair!!

As for her weight, we have to wait til the 6 month check up for that but I would guess around 15 lbs. She was 13.9 lbs and 25 in long at her 4 month check up.

As for an update on Daddy, he is still projected to leave Afghanistan around Sept. 28 and be back in the US by Oct. 6. So we will be going back to NC around Sept 28 to settle in for a week before he gets back. We can't wait! Less than 2 months left!

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Dear handsome husband of mine and the father of our lovely daughter (and dog),

It is under unfortunate yet heroic circumstances that we cannot be there with you to celebrate your birthday today. However, comparatively it is not so bad because there are other special occasions and holidays that we will have you in our presence for such as Thanksgiving and Christmas and our daughter's first birthday, that we are quite grateful for. And with that thought, it occurs to me all of the men and women out there that are serving for an entire year plus that miss all of these holidays and more with their families and I am reminded of how blessed we really are that we only have 2 more months apart.

That being said, it is still your birthday and I would like to take this opportunity to tell you how thankful I am for the day of your birth, for without it my life would be a bit different. 26 years ago today, a young boy was born and he quickly grew up to be a fine gentleman, a caring husband and a wonderful father. I am so lucky to have found you and thank God every day that I am able to claim you as mine. 

Ever since I met you I became very aware of life and death--for the thought of spending my future with you makes me greedy for life and more time. And though it is hard that you're there and we're here, it is all considered bliss to me because it is still "our" life together. I cannot wait for you to get home and celebrate the next 79+ birthdays with us. 

P.S. I also cannot help but reminisce back to your birthday weekend last year when you came home from work and I broke the news to you that I was pregnant. Your parents surprised you for the weekend and you came home from the shark fishing trip (a little tipsy) and you blurted it out to them in a very unendearing way. SURPRISE! And on your actual birthday was when I got the blood work done and they confirmed that yes we were indeed going to be parents. What a great present! A lot has changed since then :) Happy Birthday!

I love you,

Your wife 

We're celebrating!!

Ellie and the Elsbernd's

Sounds like a good music group huh? So in case you were wondering, we made it back from Minnesota and Wisconsin safe and sound! We had ourselves a great time at the Elsbernd family reunion--I mean as great a time as one can have with a 4 month old nursing child :) The weather was beautiful there, I mean the best weather one can dream of having for a week of vacation at a lake. But then again, we were traveling with my grandma and when you travel with her, luck is pretty plentiful. We had a weekend at the Mall of America in Minneapolis, a week at the cabin in Wisconsin, and then a couple more days back in Minneapolis since we were flying out of there. Our week at the cabin was full of LOTS of outdoor time--card games, fishing, paddle boating, a bonfire every night (with occasional musical performances) and lots of water sports! No water sports for me though, although I did venture out on the jet ski a few times and we went on a couple of boat rides. It is beautiful up there not to mention it doesn't get dark until about 10! Everyone was so nice, it seemed like it was just yesterday that we saw them even though for me it had been 10 years! And of course, everyone was so welcoming and embracing towards Elizabeth. My Dad, Mary, Alex and Grandma were especially glad to have so much time with her so she was definitely fawned over to say the least! There were about 50 family members total that came and went throughout the week. Here are some pics!

Sunsets at the cabin were beautiful!

Mommy, Ellie, and my Grandma

Cousin Jerry with Ellie

The Elsbernd Family! We're the last on the right.

View from the cabin

Coming back from a dockside restaurant 

Ellie and Grandpa

Ellie with Mary

Ellie with Uncle Alex

We thought about Daddy a lot while we were there. He would've loved being able to fish every day. We also celebrated the fourth of July while we were there which obviously brought him to mind as well. It's definitely different when your husband is one of the "troops" that we're supporting at home and that he's actually away sticking up for the things that we celebrate that day: our freedom and independence. The reason why we have the day is because of men like him. I mean this isn't the first year he has served but to have him away serving on this day makes it hit a little closer to home.

We also had some milestones happen while we were gone this week. One little one is that Ellie finally found her toes and thus is now always putting them in her mouth. And one big one is that she rolled over for the first time!! The video below isn't of the first time but it's probably the third!

She has definitely become more hands on. She is grabbing everything (and putting it in her mouth), very alert and interactive. She can focus in on you even if you aren't in front of her and she will follow you as you move from side to side. Right when we got back from our trip she turned four months and had her check-up. She weighed 13.9 lbs and was 25 in long. We started rice cereal that night and have been eating it ever since. Since she nurses, she doesn't drink out of bottles ALOT, and when we started the cereal I would pump one breast and mix a tablespoon with it and feed it to her in a bottle and then nurse her on the other afterwards. Well she hadn't had a bottle since she started this grabbing phase and the first night she had the cereal in a bottle she just grabbed the bottle and started holding it like a pro, as if she gets a bottle all the time! She likes the cereal a lot, though I was hoping it would help me get her to bed earlier. We are still at an 11-midnight bed time which I still haven't fully gotten used to. Daddy and I are usually 9pm people and when he gets back, he will expect that routine to resume. She's a good sleeper, she sleeps 6-10 hours a night but it just doesn't start til Midnight. So I have 2 months to work on that!

She fell asleep like this in the car, holding onto her toy!

As I am writing this we are in NJ for our second visit of the summer and I have realized that tomorrow will be the halfway point for John's time over there. They are telling him that he will be back in the States by October 6th-God willing!  I didn't think it would be going by this fast but still, it's not fast enough!