Reflections on the last year

To my dear sweet Ellie,

I've been putting off writing this. I've started writing but then stopped because I realized I needed to collect my thoughts more and the truth is, writing it makes it more real. And it's not that I'm not willing to accept reality, it's just...well, maybe I am. You are ONE. You are a year old (and a few weeks by now). A year of your life has already passed by and sadly another year of mine as well. Daddy and I have been able to keep you alive for a year! Hooray for us being new parents! Sadly, Daddy was away training during your first birthday but thankfully you are too young to remember and trust me when I say, he will make up for it! I know it was way harder on him than you'll ever know. And we will celebrate again when he comes home!

But seriously, Elizabeth, we are so blessed to have you as our first child. It's been such a joy getting to see you blossom into a toddler. You have turned into the sweetest child who definitely has developed a little personality of her own. You are a very happy go lucky girl with such a good nature. I hope it stays that way! You are so friendly and will literally go to anyone and let them hold you. You love routine, like Mommy (well, and Daddy) and you have a very curious, adventurous side like your Daddy (well, and Mommy). You love to read books and learn new songs and games-and boy do you learn quick! You like to test your boundaries....and you're not really afraid of anything!

You came at a time of tribulation for us, right at the time Daddy was due to deploy. But it ended up being the perfect time. You kept me going during those months and as long as I kept you alive, you kept me alive (some days that still holds true!) And though it seemed tough and complicated, it was also easy and simple in some ways. I had one main focus: to take care of you! Needless to say, we got through it-YOU got me through it. Looking back, it's been by far the hardest year of my life. What with being a new parent and then a single one all in the span of a couple months. I know a 4.5 month deployment is nothing compared to some families--we got lucky--but still, it was enough! And as funny as it sounds, I wouldn't trade those months for anything now. It was just you and me kiddo.

Even though you are only one, I want you to know how much you've already taught me:
1. I am stronger than I think I am. If someone would've told me two years ago that I'd be able to survive a deployment with an infant, I'd say no way. Also the whole giving birth thing was pretty tough too.
2. I guess I do have motherly instincts. Everyone doubts themselves, "Am I gonna be any good at this?" Well I guess it's true, a lot of it does come natural.
3. I really hate being sleep deprived. Really. I don't function well and it was by far the hardest thing about having an infant. I love my sleep. I need to get better at this. I'm sure your other siblings will help.
4. I do have a silly side. We all take ourselves way too serious sometimes and you are always able to touch my funny bone and bring the goofiness out of me. It also helps that you don't judge me (yet) and always think I do the coolest things.

And lastly,
5. Sometimes we need to just DANCE. You love to dance. You find rhythm in anything and everything. Whether it's just me brushing my teeth or shaking a bottle, or even just singing lyrics to a song even without a tune--somehow you know that it's music and deem it worthy of dancing. I've learned a few simple dance moves from you already and now when a song comes on I'm a little less self conscious and find myself just swaying back and forth without even thinking about it. I know I don't look as cute as you but you never care what you look like so why should I? Just dance!

I look forward to all the other wisdom I'll be acquiring from you as you (dare I say it) get older. Mommy and Daddy love you very very much. You have made our lives worth living for and we thank God every day for you. Happy Birthday.

Ellie is...Sooooo BIG!!!! 10 months!

 Everyone knows the kids saying, though some of you may not want to admit it, where you say, in my case, "Ellie is......." and then it is followed by "Soooo Big!!" in an obnoxiously high voice and you teach your child to raise both of their hands up during the last part to emphasize how big they are. Well not to brag, but I literally said this whole bit twice to Ellie, acting it all out, and the third time she raised her hands as soon as I said "Ellie is..." I'm not sure if I should be proud or terrified of her quick learning abilities. Now she does it on command every time and it is her favorite game that we play. Oh boy, what are we in for? It's these moments that really make me realize that she is growing into a beautiful and bright little girl---all too quickly!

Here are some other things that Ellie has learned to love at 10 months:
- She loves to be upside down
- She loves to be tossed around by daddy
- She loves to play with Oliver (she takes his toys right out of his mouth...and he lets her!)
- She still loves bath time!
- She loves finger foods
- She loves juice (or what she thinks is juice-mostly water)
- She loves pop up books
- She loves to say Mama, Dada, and other gibberish (she's a big talker)
- She loves to stand and walk around while holding on to things-still not doing the real thing yet
- She loves clapping and waving
- And most of all, she loves to dance! She will literally dance to any beat she can hear, even if you are singing the abc's or just simply tapping your knee with your hand!

first video: dancing to daddy's beat 

second video: dancing to michael buble

Home Again

Let me start off by informing you that this is not your usual correspondent crafting this post. It is the man of the house. I told Christina that I wanted to write on the blog when I made it home and well, in typical man of the house fashion I'm finally getting around to it. So my apologies for the long stretch between the last post and now, and I must say a decent amount has gone on since I stepped back onto American soil.

If memory serves me correctly I got back to my wife and child on the 6th of October, or maybe it was the 3rd? Either way early October. It was pretty startling to see how much Ellie had changed since I left. Sure I saw her at least once a week via Facetime but those shaky, frozen images didn't really do her justice. But of course as I got off the bus and made my way through the crowd to my family I excitedly threw my arms around Christina and inadvertently smacked Ellie in the face. Thus her first contact with her father in 5 months left her in tears. After that mishap my mother laughed at me when she saw me holding our then 7 month old as one would hold a newborn, all wrapped up and close. I clearly had some adjusting to make. Which I did soon enough and now I toss her around and have her laughing far more often than crying. Seeing Oliver again for the first time was quite memorable as well, he went pretty nutty with excitement.

It did take some real adjustment the first few weeks back. Sleep didn't come easy and after working 7 days a week at an average of 11 to 12 hours a day for 5 months straight, I was left pretty fidgety. Christina said she's never seen me unpack so quickly. But going north to New Jersey soon after getting back helped immensely. Just being able to put on a pair of jeans and go run errands around town does wonders to help one feel like a normal human being again.

Those few weeks spent at home also held a few memorable events, which I believe most of you reading this were a part of. The two big ones of course being a wedding and a baptism. Both were fantastic times, and provided me great opportunities to just see everybody again. Oh and escaping to Bermuda for a few days wasn't to shabby either. When Christina and I were discussing where we wanted to go once I made it home I told her I am never going to want to see another grain of sand again, but I relented and I'm glad I did. And as you can imagine my mother and father were just miserable having to watch Ellie while we were gone. Honestly I think they were sad to see us get back, they'd have to share her again.

Since we got back to North Carolina things have gotten back to normal. I work by day as Christina keeps Ellie alive and the house running relatively smoothly. I come home, we eat dinner, watch some TV, Ellie goes through her bedtime routine and then we go through ours. Routine is good.

The holidays came and went. It was our first time not traveling north to our original homes. I feel lucky that this was the first time, it easily could have been the third. My mother was upset that we weren't around but I reminded her that I may not be in New Jersey but I'm still home. I know enough men who were stuck over in that hellhole for the holidays. So I counted my blessings.

That brings us to about now. Christina is trying to fix our Blu-ray player remote, to little avail, as an endless stream of insanity inducing children's songs emanate out of Ellie's play area and I sit on the couch, wrapped in the robe I haven't taken off since I opened the box on Christmas eve, typing this post. Life is good and I still feel grateful to be home. I plan on never letting that gratitude be forgotten. But before I close this out I have to make mention of how amazing my wife is (and yes i wrote that sentence on my own accord). She kept hopeful and strong while successfully navigating the rigors of raising a new born while her husband was in a war zone. She is the glue that holds this family together. When people come up to me and praise me for what I've done I shirk it off and think I have done nothing in comparison to what Christina has.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year