On August 6, 2012 John and I got a doctor's confirmation that we were to be expecting our first child! Coincidentally, August 6 is also John's birthday so it made for a beautiful birthday surprise :) When I told him the good news, among his gleeful response was the quiet utter "well I am on the list." This was to be expected. We knew there was a chance. He had just found out and was waiting for the "right time" to tell me (if there is such a thing). At that point we just decided to tuck all of those emotions away and focus on the blessing before us. In the USMC (probably all branches of the armed forces) you learn that you CANNOT plan ahead--things always change; things hopefully change.
Our first sonogram came and we found out that I was a month further along than we anticipated, moving my due date from April 10th to March 13, 2013. John had been told the unit could be leaving for Afghanistan in March so we were undecided on whether to take the earlier due date as a good thing or a bad thing. Meanwhile, we just reveled in the thought that we were going to be parents either way!
Later we found out it was a girl and were delighted to name her Elizabeth Rose after John's grandmother who just passed last February.
Now that I have 5 weeks left, I can honestly say I've had a pretty easy pregnancy (knock on wood). I never had any sickness, no weird cravings, no crazy mood swings, and my has it gone by fast...until now. I've had my share of back pain starting from month 5 and just in the past month or so I have been experiencing some severe pelvic and groin pressure/pain (which many moms I have consulted with have diagnosed as normal). But otherwise, I am very thankful for the ease of most of it because it has allowed me to enjoy the kicks, the flips and the hiccups that much more. Although, now that it is winding down to THE DAY, not that I want to wish my pregnancy away, but there is that selfish part of me that kicks in at 2am when I am grunting with pain like an old woman, trying to roll out of bed to empty my bladder for the 3rd time in one night, that I guiltily think "gosh, I can't wait to have my body back." But simultaneously I also think, "I'm so anxious to meet her already!" I think these thoughts are common in expectant mothers around this time though, at least that's what I'm telling myself!
WARNING: Sappy Part.
But as it usually stands, you can't appreciate the joys without some tribulation and while the pregnancy has been (mostly) physically easy, it hasn't emotionally. Unfortunately, with my husband's career choice, you have to make sacrifices. His sacrifice being that he will miss the first 7 months of Elizabeth's life. Now, I don't want to play the victim card and act like we were dealt these circumstances. He chose the career and we knew of the risks of starting a family and thus can't put blame on the Marine Corps. Still, that doesn't change the fact that it's been HARD (and what's a blog without some venting?). I'm sure many other families have been in the same situation-it is the nature of the career choice (thank God my husband is only doing 4 years). Instead of getting the husband that is waiting on you hand and foot, attending all of the birthing classes, reading all of the books, getting overwhelmed with excitement at each belly movement- you get the somewhat distant husband who works 15 hour days, who can't come to the classes because he has to work late, who can't be at every appointment because he has training, who can't get excited over the little things because his mind is preoccupied with preparing himself for deployment and leaving his family. For these reasons, it is hard to not feel cheated out of that 1st pregnancy bliss because you haven't got that 100% (well 90%) readily doting husband to soak it all up with. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm bashing my husband. With all the stress that he is under, I understand that his non-excitement and distance isn't intentional. It's simply a coping mechanism to get him through the upcoming daunting task that he (and we're married, so thus "we") inevitably chose to face. And in his defense, I think pregnancy for men is generally very hard to relate to until they are physically holding their child in their arms. It isn't them who's getting a big belly (well some do), or feeling the flutters, or experiencing the hormonal changes (well, again some do. lol) and lets face it, 9 months is a big chunk of time to wrap your mind around. I find that now that I am so close to the finish line, it is an easier time frame to grasp and now John is starting to share those normal pregnancy freak out emotions with me--the excitement, anxiety, and the sense of urgency (we need to go over the birthing notes so I know how to help you!)
But on to turning a negative into a positive. With Elizabeth's fast approaching due date and with John's fast approaching departure date (she's coming early, I just know it!) I feel blessed that I will have her as a distraction while he is gone. And although the circumstances haven't been and won't be ideal, I honestly can't picture it any other way. I am thankful that my life is the way it is with the husband that is mine, and the daughter that is coming when she is. For 7 months, though my husband will not be physically by my side, my daughter (and dog) will be taking his place and preoccupying my time, steering the sad emotions away. I know it isn't typical, but that will be the greatest joy of my pregnancy!
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