Reflections on the last year

To my dear sweet Ellie,

I've been putting off writing this. I've started writing but then stopped because I realized I needed to collect my thoughts more and the truth is, writing it makes it more real. And it's not that I'm not willing to accept reality, it's just...well, maybe I am. You are ONE. You are a year old (and a few weeks by now). A year of your life has already passed by and sadly another year of mine as well. Daddy and I have been able to keep you alive for a year! Hooray for us being new parents! Sadly, Daddy was away training during your first birthday but thankfully you are too young to remember and trust me when I say, he will make up for it! I know it was way harder on him than you'll ever know. And we will celebrate again when he comes home!

But seriously, Elizabeth, we are so blessed to have you as our first child. It's been such a joy getting to see you blossom into a toddler. You have turned into the sweetest child who definitely has developed a little personality of her own. You are a very happy go lucky girl with such a good nature. I hope it stays that way! You are so friendly and will literally go to anyone and let them hold you. You love routine, like Mommy (well, and Daddy) and you have a very curious, adventurous side like your Daddy (well, and Mommy). You love to read books and learn new songs and games-and boy do you learn quick! You like to test your boundaries....and you're not really afraid of anything!

You came at a time of tribulation for us, right at the time Daddy was due to deploy. But it ended up being the perfect time. You kept me going during those months and as long as I kept you alive, you kept me alive (some days that still holds true!) And though it seemed tough and complicated, it was also easy and simple in some ways. I had one main focus: to take care of you! Needless to say, we got through it-YOU got me through it. Looking back, it's been by far the hardest year of my life. What with being a new parent and then a single one all in the span of a couple months. I know a 4.5 month deployment is nothing compared to some families--we got lucky--but still, it was enough! And as funny as it sounds, I wouldn't trade those months for anything now. It was just you and me kiddo.

Even though you are only one, I want you to know how much you've already taught me:
1. I am stronger than I think I am. If someone would've told me two years ago that I'd be able to survive a deployment with an infant, I'd say no way. Also the whole giving birth thing was pretty tough too.
2. I guess I do have motherly instincts. Everyone doubts themselves, "Am I gonna be any good at this?" Well I guess it's true, a lot of it does come natural.
3. I really hate being sleep deprived. Really. I don't function well and it was by far the hardest thing about having an infant. I love my sleep. I need to get better at this. I'm sure your other siblings will help.
4. I do have a silly side. We all take ourselves way too serious sometimes and you are always able to touch my funny bone and bring the goofiness out of me. It also helps that you don't judge me (yet) and always think I do the coolest things.

And lastly,
5. Sometimes we need to just DANCE. You love to dance. You find rhythm in anything and everything. Whether it's just me brushing my teeth or shaking a bottle, or even just singing lyrics to a song even without a tune--somehow you know that it's music and deem it worthy of dancing. I've learned a few simple dance moves from you already and now when a song comes on I'm a little less self conscious and find myself just swaying back and forth without even thinking about it. I know I don't look as cute as you but you never care what you look like so why should I? Just dance!

I look forward to all the other wisdom I'll be acquiring from you as you (dare I say it) get older. Mommy and Daddy love you very very much. You have made our lives worth living for and we thank God every day for you. Happy Birthday.